This Christmas I really wanted to be an elf. As in, a Macy’s Santaland elf. As a huge David Sedaris fan, I dreamed of wearing my elf uniform on the subway to work, à la Time Square’s Elmo or Mickey Mouse. I dreamed of holiday parties where people would ask me what I do for a living and I could honestly reply, “I’m an elf.” Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. My specially tailored cover letter and resume netted me an interview, and I was thrilled to discover that the man interviewing me was once a santa who WORKED WITH DAVID SEDARIS! Yes, it’s true! I wanted to get his autograph, but I wasn’t sure that would be professionally allowable behavior for a job interview. Funny thing, he said David Sedaris wasn’t all that popular with the Macy’s Santaland crew. Apparently he was a temperamental, sarcastic elf who delighted in drama. I can see that. Well, I passed the initial interview with flying colors, convincing everyone of my love for Christmas, small children, and sharing peace and joy. They sent me right over to scheduling, where it was uncovered that I was leaving town for a whole week over Thanksgiving. Oops. Apparently they aren’t allowed to hire anyone who will be missing a week of their four-week season. Boo! I really wanted this to be my Christmas break gig! And then – today me and my friend Sarah paid a visit to Santaland. It looked painful. The elves were not having fun. I think many of them wanted to die. . It was just an ordinary, manual labor, minimum wage paying job that no one was very excited about. Fun. Some dream eggs are best left unhatched.